I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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