You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
