So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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