Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
