??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
