She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
