i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
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