I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
