Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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