Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
