i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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