Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
