i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
