If i come over, it means nothing
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
