I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
