Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
