DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
