I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
