You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
