just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
