It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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