false alarm. still invincible.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
