wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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