Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
