Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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