So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
