I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
