why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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