I could make wine with my vomit
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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