haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
