Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
