i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
