I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
