I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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