and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
