Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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