How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
