WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
