perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
