can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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