So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
