shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
