so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
