I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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