so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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