I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
