i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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