Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
