I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
