then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You're completely useless in the revolution.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
