just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
